“Save the best for last” is not only a good quote, but it is also a very good principle to live by. The idea being that you should always finish with the best. A lot of my friends have commented on how they have had more fun in life as they have gotten older. While engaging in a similar conversation recently, I paused to think a bit more about the recent comments I had heard, and then I wondered why getting older was viewed so differently by so many people.
On one hand, aging brings with it the typical aches and pains of the passing years, and on the other hand it brings with it a freedom of the social pressures that years of living in the rat race has produced. After a decade of retirement I can truly say that it has, so far, been the best years of my life. Maybe it is the freedom to do what you want when you want , or maybe it is the social freedom of not having to care or worry about much of anything, with the exception of a beer shortage of course. And another aging phenomenon is the fact that the older males of our species seem to attract younger women as we age.
Now don’t get me wrong, getting old is not for the faint hearted. It takes some planning and preparation to enter this phase of life properly. Not everybody is cut out to be a senior citizen. The first thing you have to do is deal with the inevitability of it. Regardless of how many face lifts, boob jobs, tummy tucks, butt lifts, or surgery you have, you are still going to age. And if you don’t watch out you can easily end up looking like “The Joker” in the Batman movies. Just ask Joan Rivers. You have to admit that Jack Nicholson looks better as The Joker than Joan does, even with all the help from her surgeon. Somehow I just can’t help think Joan would have been better off learning to deal with getting older.
Getting older has an enormous potential for enjoying life. For one thing, older people can get away with a whole lot more, and nobody knows what you’re really up to. The younger crowd is clueless about your motives and they think you are just senile. One of the best military tactics is to get into a position where your enemy underestimates you. Then you have the advantage.
Being the older person in a younger group commands a bit of respect. When the younger ones get in a pickle you just smile and politely say “been there, done that” and they think you have the wisdom that the years visibly show.
Advanced age provides a new set of social opportunities as well. Younger women don’t view you as a threat. You’re kind of like the old neutered squirrel who lives in the great big pecan tree. You can now hang out with the babes without getting into trouble with your wife. After all, your wife knows you’re harmless, and at your age you deserve a little change in latitude.
I have found it’s always good to take up a little drinking as you get older. This does require that you learn something about booze. For that you should join some social drinking clubs. They provide a knowledge base for social drinking that you can share with the younger folks. This gives you an air of sophistication and class that you probably never had when you were younger. Be creative in your old age. Don’t be afraid to come up with interesting things to do. Party a lot, and never take anything too serious. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a serious old codger carping about some meaningless trivia.
Always smile a lot and try to look empathetic. Women and liberals love empathy. Never mind that empathy never solved any problems in life or put a man on the moon. That’s not the point. Empathy is “in” today, so practice some empathetic facial expressions in the mirror to use when the need arises.
One final note. Always give big tips. You can’t take it with you, and you sure don’t want to leave much for your children. Too much will take away their sense of accomplishment and self worth. If you wake up some day and find yourself feeling sorry for yourself because your getting older, just follow my advise above. And if you get into trouble just remember the disclaimer in fine print….
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
Larry Oscar is a graduate from the University of Tulsa and holds a degree in electrical engineering. He is retired and lives with his wife on a lake in Oklahoma where he brews his own beer, sails, and is a member of numerous clubs and organizations.