By Larry Oscar
It’s been a few years since some studies were conducted that support the 
theory that drinking beer is a prerequisite for good health. In a study, published in March of 2008, researchers at the National Institutes of Health released a study showing that frequent drinking in moderation may protect men from death due to cardiovascular disease.
Men who reported drinking 120 to 365 days a year had a 20% lower cardiovascular death rate than those who drank one to 36 days a year. In a 2003 study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Adults over age 65 who drank one to six alcoholic beverages over the course of the week had a lower risk of dementia than non-drinkers. A 2006 report that appeared in the American Heart Association journal also showed that a drink or two a day may result in a better cognitive function in women.
Now this isn’t news to those of us who have savored the health benefits from 
drinking for several decades. We know that our consumption of beer, wine, and other “beverages” have helped us become the geniuses we are today. And doing some simple research on just how much beer Americans drink has produced some mind boggling numbers. The United States produces about 200 million barrels of beer per year. That’s roughly 20 US gallons of beer for every man, woman, and child every year. It’s nice to know that the United States is still ahead of the rest of the world in something besides teenage pregnancy.
Now you take the volume of Skiatook Lake in Northeastern Oklahoma where I live, which is over 2.1 billion barrels and divide that by 200 million barrels of beer and that means that the beer drinkers of the United States consume the entire volume of the lake in beer about every 10 ½ years. Now there is something that we can all take pride in as a nation. Thank God for beer drinkers. Beer brewing goes back to over 6,000 BC. It is one of the oldest beverages mankind has produced. Beer is also something that has brought nations together in times of crisis. Many high level negotiations between nations and kings and queens have been conducted over a few pints of ale.
It has been suggested that beer may be responsible for over one half of the amount of the human population. In 1931 a study was conducted that proved beyond any doubt that after a few beers women become more attractive. I have personally never experienced this, of course, but it would be a logical conclusion given the lack of beauty enhancing cosmetics during the 1300’s.
And a point of note is the modern beer advertisement. Do you ever see a beer commercial with some “skank” holding up a frosty glass of brew? Of course you don’t. The obvious implication here is that beer attracts babes, and if you drink the right brand of beer you will leave the bar with some beauty hanging on your arm. I can assure you that these commercials are misleading.
However, perception is reality to some people. Just look at who some guys have married when walking around Wal- Mart! If it wasn’t for beer we might have hoards of very overweight women roaming the streets with knives and pitchforks demanding husbands. Beer levels the social playing field. You can always crack a joke at a party if you have a beer in your hand. For example, take the old beer joke “What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a Tupperware party?….. They’re both out looking for a tight seal.” Now you wouldn’t get away with that joke in a social setting while holding a glass of champagne, but with a beer in your hand everyone laughs, and you look like a cool dude.
Now that we are well into 2012, and this year is supposed to be the last, according to some ancient Mayan prophecy, maybe we should make a serious resolution. (I never understood why anyone would ever believe a prediction from anyone who missed predicting their own demise.) However, we should all adopt a new resolution to drink as many different beers this year as possible. And what better country in which to drink beer. After all, it may not have been the Constitution that made America great. It may have been Anheuser-Busch !!